When the Body Shows You What It Needs

WHAT PREGNANCY, BABIES, AND LIVED EXPERIENCE TAUGHT ME ABOUT VALIDATION

In a recent article, I wrote about something fundamental:

how to know whether what you’re doing is actually helping your body —

or whether it’s simply asking your system to compensate.

That piece focused on adults, therapy, and how the body shows change immediately when something truly lands.

What I want to share here comes from a very different place —

but it points to the exact same principle.

This comes from my experience with my partner during pregnancy,

and with our daughter Charlie during her first months of life.

Not as a theory.

Not as advice.

But as direct observation.

BABIES DON’T CRY FOR NOTHING

We often hear that “it’s normal for babies to cry.”

And yes — crying is part of life.

But very early on, something became obvious to us:

babies don’t cry randomly.

In Charlie’s first months, whenever she cried, we checked the basics:

• Was she hungry?

• Did she need a diaper change?

• Did she need contact or reassurance?

Most of the time, once those needs were met, the crying stopped.

But sometimes, it didn’t.

And that’s where things became interesting.

One day, she was fed, clean, held — and still uncomfortable.

So instead of assuming “this is just how it is,” we tried something simple:

changing her position.

Facing us → still uncomfortable.

Turned sideways → still uneasy.

Facing forward → she stopped crying instantly.

We tested it again.

Turned her back.

The discomfort returned.

Facing forward again — calm.

No delay.

No guessing.

Immediate feedback.

At that moment, it became very clear:

there was no story, no interpretation, no emotion layered on top.

There was simply the right input — and the wrong one.

And when the right input was given, her system responded immediately.

(now the tricky part, teaching this to grand parents 😉)

VALIDATION WITHOUT THOUGHT

That’s the key thing babies teach us.

There’s no belief.

No placebo.

No expectation.

When something supports the system, it shows.

When it doesn’t, it shows too.

That same logic came back very clearly at birth.

Because of a difficult pelvic floor moment, a ventouse was used during delivery.

Charlie had a red spot on her head.

When I touched her gently everywhere else, she was calm.

When my hand came near that spot, she reacted.

Again: clear signal.

I didn’t wait for it to “resolve on its own.”

I did what I normally do with adults — calmly, gently, attentively.

Seconds later, I passed my fingers over the same area again.

No reaction.

Then a bit closer.

Still nothing.

Then directly over it.

Calm.

That moment matters for one simple reason:

You can’t explain that away with placebo.

Not with a newborn.

Not with animals.

Not without cognition.

It’s simply the nervous system responding to appropriate input.

(Blog - Understanding is not what makes change happen)

PREGNANCY: TWO SYSTEMS, ONE FIELD

The same principle showed up during pregnancy.

There were moments when Charlie’s movements inside my partner were uncomfortable.

Instead of bracing or enduring it, I suggested something different:

asking.

Not intellectually —

but intentionally, attentively.

Every time, moments later, Charlie would move —

and the discomfort would disappear.

Again, no force.

No struggle.

Just orientation.

At times, I worked with my partner.

At other times, I worked with Charlie directly.

Sometimes I told my partner what I was doing.

Sometimes I didn’t — on purpose — just to observe.

Often, she would feel relief without knowing why or when I stopped.

For me, this wasn’t mystical.

It was functional.

Two systems sharing space.

Information flowing — or not.

When the information clarified, the system reorganized.

AFTER BIRTH: WHEN DIFFICULTY ISN’T “NORMAL”

Postpartum recovery brought another lesson.

Certain movements suggested by the midwife and physio were uncomfortable or painful, especially around the pelvic floor and hips.

Instead of accepting that discomfort as “normal,”

I intervened — gently — the way I would with any adult client.

She repeated the same movements.

No pain.

Again: not because the exercise changed —but because the system did.

This is something many women live with for years:

• lingering pain

• instability

• discomfort that becomes normalized

Sometimes it doesn’t need years of management.

Sometimes it needs the right input at the right moment.

FEEDING, CRYING, AND SIGNALS

Another example came from breastfeeding.

Charlie was feeding well — good suction —

but she was losing weight.

Observation showed something subtle:

she preferred one breast.

When placed on the other side, she cried.

When switched back, she calmed and fed.

Instead of forcing symmetry because “that’s the rule,” we observed.

Later, after a simple intervention, the next feeding changed:

she fed equally from both sides.

Weight stabilized.

Feeding normalized.

Again, same pattern:

• signal

• observation

• appropriate input

• immediate change

WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH ADULTS

As babies, crying is our only signal.

As adults, signals become more complex:

• pain

• tension

• fatigue

• emotional overload

• mental noise

We don’t cry the same way —

but the body still signals.

We just get better at ignoring it.

We layer beliefs on top.

We normalize discomfort.

We distract ourselves.

We push through.

But the principle hasn’t changed.

When the body hurts, it’s a signal.

When movement feels heavy, it’s a signal.

When something doesn’t resolve, it’s information.

The challenge isn’t effort.

It’s listening without interpreting too quickly.

THE COMMON THREAD

Whether it’s a newborn, a pregnant woman, or an adult in therapy,the same logic applies:

• When the right input is given, the system responds.

• When it doesn’t, the body compensates.

• And when compensation becomes the norm, things linger.

That’s why validation matters.

Not blind trust.

Not blind compliance.

But the ability to recognize how the body responds —in real time.

CLOSING

This piece is not here to tell you what to do.

It’s here to remind you that your body has always been communicating.

Babies make it obvious.

Adults make it complicated.

But the principle is the same.

And if you’re curious about how to develop that kind of reference for yourself —that’s exactly what the previous article, and the series that follows, are about.

As for pregnancy, postpartum, or working with children —

it’s not something I advertise on my site.

But if this resonates, you can always reach out,

and we’ll see what’s appropriate.

Sometimes, all that’s missing

is learning how to notice what’s already there.